Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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