Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
