I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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