I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
