matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
