Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
