I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
