his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
