who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
