I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
