how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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