You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
