i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
