I hope mine doesn't look like that
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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