I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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