Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
