She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
