This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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