don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
