He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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