sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
did you just send me my own nude
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
