dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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