Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
