what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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