Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
