My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He better not be in your backpack
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
