i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I love you. Go after that dick
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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