my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
