you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
