One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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