It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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