i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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