I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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