How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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