btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
They took my balls.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
