Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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