you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
