It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
