i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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