that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
