I swear she didn't look like that last week.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
