I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
