well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We left the knife in your bed.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
