bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
