i barfeds in our rink
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
