Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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