Porn is love you can see.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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