Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
