p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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