She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
