I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
