i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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