She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
