Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
And then he peed in my hair
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
