Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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