TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
