I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
