If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
